He Knew It
by OEgirl
Summary: Adam makes some accusations, and Lawrence retaliates. Implied LawrenceAdam Will be angst in later chapters.


So yeah, I saw the movie again and Lawrence didn't seem able to keep his temper very well, and of course Adam seems like a genuinely good person so this came about, some things, well basically the entire thing was an idea from a story called Rebirth...read it, it's amazing.

He Knew It

He knew he had gone too far. He _knew_ it. He knew it by the way Adam's face fell, his body slumped, his head dropped. He knew it by how Adam's breathing increased and his hands itched at the puzzle piece etched into his skin. But he couldn't stop the words now, not after he had finally said them, even if he knew they weren't true.

"Did you hear what I said?!" Yelling made it less complicated, made it easier to blame Adam for everything and anything that was going on in his life. "Did you? He was right! About all of it!"

"No. No he can't be. You already said he wasn't!" Now Adam was fighting back, but not really, his eyes were brimming with desperation. "You promised what he said wasn't _real_. He wasn't. He's crazy. You _said_ so."

"He..." Lawrence stopped, did he really feel the need to rub in jigsaw's lies, Adam was already insecure. Immediately his mind flashed to not five minutes ago, Adam's accusations imprinted on his mind, telling him he needed to leave his wife, his child, no, Adam needed a reality check.

The anger he had felt bubbled again and he started spewing anything he could to hurt the man in front of him like he had been hurt.

"He was crazy, but he nailed you right on the head, undeserving of the life that was given to you. You weren't _worth_ it Adam, I should have just killed you from the start. Not gone through the _trouble_!" Lawrence stopped, Adam had gone white, and his hand rose to his mouth right before he stood from his chair and ran to the bathroom, Lawrence winced when he heard Adam puking in the next room, soft sobbing followed soon after and he was tempted to beg for his forgiveness and hold him for the rest of the night, but he couldn't control the rage dripping through his veins.

He walked up behind him as Adam wiped his mouth and spit into the toilet, his tears slowing.

"So you finally see do you. You weren't fucking _worth_ it!"

Adam slowly rose to his feet, his eyes blazing with anger. "So you're going to do it again?"

Lawrence looked down at Adam confused.

"Kill me. Point the gun at me again, to save your perfect little family. Your stupid wife, and stupid k-."

Lawrence smacked him across his face before he could finish his sentence. The red mark bright on Adam's pale skin reminded him of the blood that had soaked through his shirt months ago, Lawrence had to turn away.

"Don't ever speak about them like that again." He warned his voice a low growl. "And what the hell do you mean by killing you. This isn't even the same fucking situation."

"Bullets aren't the only way to kill someone, Lawrence."

The words sounded so familiar that Lawrence spun around and stared, just to make sure Adam was still there, not Jigsaw.

"If I had to do it again I would have, I would have killed you again and again and again." He could tell that hurt him, he could already feel the depression settle in the pit of Adam's stomach, as if it were his own. He had one more thing to say, one more thing to finally destroy the man in front of him, it was caught at the tip of his tongue, but looking down at Adam, and the trust in his eyes that he wouldn't take it that far, it was enough, he shouldn't be fucking responsible for keeping this man safe, he had a wife, and a family, what the hell was Adam's deal thinking Lawrence had the _time_ to protect him. He didn't. So he let it slip.

"I should have left you there, in that bathroom, I shouldn't have come back."

"I know"

If Lawrence had stopped to answer things would have turned out differently, if he had just _thought_ about what his friend, what his lover had said things would have been different. But he didn't he left when he heard the quit whisper, he had left Adam in a bathroom like he had the last time, only now Adam was free to move and he was surrounded by sharp objects and nearly six prescription pain killers. He had left Adam with everything he would need to make it up to Lawrence, to off himself so the older man wouldn't have to deal with a whiny, needy _boy _who still could barely sleep through the night without waking up from nightmares, who needed Lawrence to come with him to public bathrooms, and who still needed the taller man to hold him when it became too much. And he didn't care.

Adam had spent the first half of his time with Lawrence in that infamous bathroom pretending to be strong and pretending not to care, even when he did. He had let his guard down stopped pretending to be strong because he had assumed Lawrence could be strong enough for the both of them.

How stupid could he be, he whispered to himself, how fucking selfish had he been, waking Lawrence up nearly every night from nightmares, he should have just let Lawrence sleep, Lawrence needed him to be strong, he needed him to suck it up when he needed to visit a public bathroom, all this time, he had been stupid to think that it was okay to be weak in front of him. He had been stupid to think he was worth as much as the other mans family.

"Stupid, stupid, stupid." He spoke aloud, banging his head against the wall until it bled. How could he be so fucking selfish? For those few moments Lawrence had told him exactly what he was worth, not to the world but to him and it wasn't a whole damn lot. He was glad, glad he could finally _know_ he wasn't supposed to be vulnerable. He wouldn't be, next time he saw Lawrence he wouldn't ask him to stay longer, because of course he needed to be with his family, and he would make sure to not lean on him, he could only lean on himself, no one needed his baggage, he could do it himself, no matter what it took.

A/N: So yeah, I was going to keep this as a one shot but the story spoke to me and decided it needed to be longer. So...next chapter is Adam and Lawrence having a quick lunch so Adam can apologize for needing Lawrence's help...how I love to torture poor Adam, even though I love him ;


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